Frequently Asked Questions
Post Meridiem Post – Frequently Asked Questions
Before you call the satire police, take a moment to read the fine print. This FAQ is here to help you determine whether we’re joking (we usually are), how seriously to take us (not very), and whether the squirrels are real (they are). It’s the guidebook to our nonsense, structured just enough to make Google nervous.
Are you a real newspaper?
A: Define “real.” If reality includes prophetic squirrels, broken senators, and daily reminders that satire is indistinguishable from the news cycle, then yes. Very real. Too real, some say.
Is this satire?
A: Yes, but not the wacky kind. We operate in that fine space between sarcasm, prophecy, and investigative metaphysics. Every story is rooted in some truth, even if it’s wearing a fake mustache and demanding to be called “Gerald.”
Who runs the Post Meridiem Post?
A: Our editorial staff includes a haunted ergonomic chair, a bowtie-wearing squirrel prophet, and several humans who should know better. You can meet them here.
Why are you called Post Meridiem?
A: We publish in the afternoon. Also, everything’s a little clearer—and a little weirder—after noon.
Can I submit a story, tip, or absurd headline?
A: Absolutely. Email us via our contact page. We also accept whispered rumors from furniture and interpretive dances performed near fax machines.
Are your stories real?
A: They are emotionally true. Legally, spiritually, journalistically—less so.
Do you have merch?
A: Soon. We’re finalizing designs for ICE piñatas, squirrel-language scrolls, and a mug that says “I Was Judged by Veranda and It Was Fair.”
How can I support you?
Toss us a crumb with Buy Us A Coffee, share a story, whisper our name in a D.C. lobbyist’s ear. Every bit helps.
Why isn’t Google showing you?
A: We’ve been told our satire is too elegant to be understood by machines. We’re working on it. Meanwhile, please bookmark us like it’s 2007.
What is walnut.js?
It’s the sacred scripting language of prophecy used by squirrels to select Chosen Ones and destabilize narrative timelines. You can learn more in The Walnut Prophecy.
Can I republish your stuff?
A: Yes, with attribution and a link back to the original. For syndication inquiries (especially for Dispatches from a Map Dot), please contact us first.
Are you affiliated with The Onion?
A: Only in spirit and bitterness. We are proudly independent and independently unprofitable.