Published: July 4th, 2025
Jed claims he witnessed the formation of a sovereign micro-nation inside a Buc-ee’s restroom stall. Authorities, snacks, and the Geneva Convention are involved.
By Jedediah “Jed” Wanderlust
Dispatches from a Map Dot
Dispatches from a Map Dot: Luling, TX Edition
Some say freedom is a concept. Others say it’s a complicated system of checks and balances. But I say it’s a single-stall bathroom in Luling, Texas, smelling faintly of cinnamon almonds and newly minted citizenship.
It began, as these things do, with a long drive and a long wait.
Birth of a Nation (Inside a Buc-ee’s)
I had entered the world’s largest Buc-ee’s with the intention of buying a beaver-shaped magnet and relieving myself under the watchful gaze of a cartoon rodent mascot. But when I exited the restroom stall, I was confronted by a laminated sign affixed to the mirror:
“This territory is now under sovereign rule. The Republic of Stall D has seceded.”
— Provisional Leader, Commander Wipe
A small folding table nearby held a crayon-drawn flag, a bell for diplomatic emergencies, and what appeared to be a bowl of Werther’s Originals labeled “Foreign Aid.”
Authorities Respond, Poorly
I alerted a Buc-ee’s staff member, who informed me that this was the third secession attempt this month. Apparently, the company’s legal team has prepared a boilerplate response modeled after the Geneva Convention and Buc-ee’s Customer Code of Conduct.
A local constable arrived, stared at the laminated document, and muttered, “We don’t get paid enough for this.” He left moments later after accepting diplomatic immunity in the form of a brisket sandwich.
The Founding Principles of Stall D
According to a pamphlet taped to the hand dryer, Stall D’s constitution includes:
One flush, one vote
All who wipe are equal
Free trade with all snacks aisle nations
Strict non-aggression pact with the Icee machine
It’s unclear how many citizens reside in Stall D, but based on the odor and available seating, I estimate three.
A Bigger Pattern?
Texas has a long, proud history of threatening secession. What’s new is the toilet-to-Texit pipeline. Just last year, someone tried to form a breakaway nation in a Dairy Queen parking lot near Waco. (source)
Now, restrooms are the new borders.
I Leave, Recognizing Their Borders
I did not stay for the constitution signing ceremony (they were using ketchup), but I did nod solemnly as I exited through the automatic doors, still humming the national anthem of Stall D — a remix of a toilet flush and Sweet Home Alabama.
And now, as always, I wander east.
Next stop: Whynot, North Carolina.
I carry these questions with me now, past the twilight fog, toward the only certainty I know:
Next stop: Whynot, North Carolina.
