The Modern Democrats: A Tragedy in Three Fundraisers
By Montgomery “Monty” Blackwood
Executive Editor, The Post Meridiem Post
“Progress is a thing to be tweeted about, not enacted.”
Let us dispense with the fantasy that the modern Democratic Party represents the forces of transformation, justice, or—heaven forbid—leftward motion. Today’s Democratic leadership resembles less a coalition of the willing and more a Rotary Club for investment bankers with Black Lives Matter pins on their Patagonia fleeces.
The Endorsement Heard Round the Yacht Club
Former President Bill Clinton—he of saxophones, triangulations, and anti-Black crime legislation—recently emerged from his speaking-fee crypt to endorse none other than Andrew Cuomo for New York City Mayor. That’s right: the man who made gaslighting an entire state into an Olympic sport is now the preferred candidate of both centrist nostalgia and corporate liability insurance firms.
Why? Because the Democratic Party cannot quit its exes. Especially those who once deregulated a thing or imprisoned a generation. Clinton’s reappearance is no mere curiosity; it’s a smoke signal from the donor class that they’d rather revive disgraced mediocrities than risk empowering actual progressives.
Zohran Mamdani and the Forbidden Word: Policy
Consider Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani, who has the audacity to speak about housing as a human right. Naturally, the DNC has responded by treating him like a stray raccoon in the donor lounge—cute, passionate, but please don’t touch the canapé tray.
In a functioning democracy, Mamdani would be elevated. In this one, he’s blacklisted from MSNBC and described as “divisive” by people who hold fundraisers in Martha’s Vineyard wine caves. The message is clear: change is fine, so long as it is cosmetic, vague, and easily walked back after Q3 earnings calls.
The Donkey Draped in Symbolism
Let us revisit the infamous imagery of Nancy Pelosi kneeling in a kente cloth, which has now been replaced in our editorial imagination with the official DNC Donkey—a creature of ceremony and symbolism, swaddled in performative virtue while trampling over Medicare for All leaflets and muttering something about “feasibility studies.”
Picture it: a donkey wearing a climate pin, standing in front of a private jet, saying “We support the youth,” then voting to subsidize fossil fuel subsidies. This is modern liberalism—progressive in font, regressive in function.
The Billionaire Problem (No, Not That One. The Other 194)
Modern Democrats do not fear the Republican Party. They fear Bernie Sanders with good lighting.
Thus, billionaires—once the cartoon villains of Democratic campaign ads—are now beloved “stakeholders in the process.” Tech moguls, hedge fund heirs, and pharmaceutical barons fund shadowy super PACs with names like Sunrise Forward or Truth Bridge United, all designed to launder opposition to the left under a rainbow-colored veil of “pragmatism.”
Remember when Hillary Clinton described Henry Kissinger as a friend and mentor? That was not a slip. That was the party’s foreign policy alignment revealing itself like a silk pocket square at a Raytheon brunch.
Centrism: A Spiritual Condition
We must speak plainly: centrism is a condition of moral cowardice dressed up as moderation. It is the belief that splitting the difference between a wildfire and a glass of water somehow results in a manageable climate.
Centrists celebrate themselves for “bipartisanship” when they agree to give half the loaf to a crocodile and call it compromise. They occupy a political no-man’s-land paved with poll-tested slogans and policies designed by actuarial tables.
Observe Senator Mark Warner, who famously told fellow Democrats not to be “too progressive” because it might scare swing voters who still think “unions” are Soviet sleeper cells. Observe Joe Manchin, who owns a yacht and a coal fortune, yet is still considered a Democrat because he occasionally scowls at Trump. Observe the entire Third Way caucus, who exist solely to ensure that no policy too bold, too humane, or too non-profit survives.
Liz Cheney’s Lap Dance and Other Collaborations
When Liz Cheney—yes, of the torture family—became the belle of the liberal media ball for not actively cheering the insurrection, the party’s rightward drift became undeniable. The Democratic establishment clutched their pearls and said, “She’s so brave,” while conveniently ignoring her war crimes portfolio and voting record that would make Attila the Hun blush.
They praised her so loudly one could barely hear the sound of progressives being gerrymandered, redistricted, and defunded into oblivion.
Conclusion: “Vote Blue, But Don’t Breathe Too Loudly”
The Democratic Party’s message, stripped of hashtags and branded lanyards, is simple:
“Vote for us. We won’t help you, but we’ll give you better slogans.”
They will slap an LGBTQ sticker on a drone. They will wear a Black Lives Matter mask while approving more police budgets. They will toast equality at Davos, then meet with Lockheed Martin over cocktails and talk “public-private synergy.”
Progressives aren’t asking for utopia. They’re asking for a party that doesn’t call their ideas “idealistic” while quietly implementing Republican policies with friendlier fonts.
If the Democrats wish to win, they might consider listening to the very people they keep silencing. If not, they’ll keep dancing. Lap by lap. Donor by donor. Until the music stops and no one’s left but the billionaires—and one donkey in a kente cloth suit, wondering what happened to the big tent.
