The First American Pontiff Channels Gilded-Age Industrialists to Recriminate These Digital Abominations
By: Agnes P. Grimwald
In his first audience with the College of Cardinals, Pope Leo XIV—the newly elected, and ironically the first American Pope—spoke not of incense or indulgences, but of an adversary far more insidious: artificial intelligence. With the devout hush of a Gothic cathedral, he proclaimed that “this electric ghost” undermines human dignity, justice, and labor—and pledged that the Church will champion binding global regulation over Silicon Valley’s voluntary appeasements.
Since 2020’s Rome Call for AI Ethics, popes have gently nudged Big Tech. But Leo’s stance is less chiding and more crusading: calling on governments to treat AI like that unruly pneumatic-tube system in the newsroom—flammable potential left unchecked.
From Industrial Disruption to Digital Expropriation
In choosing the name Leo, this cardinal-turned-pontiff harkens back to a miracle-worker of workers’ rights. Pope Leo XIII championed labor protections amid Gilded Age rapaciousness. Now, Pope Leo XIV frames the rise of sentient computation as a moral calamity, a new standard of human subjugation cloaked in convenience.
Big Tech’s Voluntary Bluster
Microsoft, Google, Meta, Anthropic, and IBM have answered the Vatican’s summons—not with reverence, but with spreadsheets and press releases. Their proposal? A polite nudge to “ethics guidelines” rather than legally binding treaties. One senses the scent of voluntary guidelines—nothing more morally robust than a scented candle left to burn in an empty crypt.
Binding Treaties vs. Electric Ghost Excuses
Leo’s Vatican proposal isn’t fancy veneer—it calls for treaties that bind nations. A speculative paperweight might serve better than these digital bedazzlers: the current approach assumes benevolence in the electric ghost. The Pope accuses tech titans of crafting philosophical mirrors that reflect only profit, absolving them of accountability.
Moral Weight and Utility as Paperweights
Under The Modern Abomination, this AI saga is measured not by teraflops or market caps, but moral heft:
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Dignity Deficit Index: +87 points—AI threatens to displace human artisans, not just their jobs.
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Labor Exploitation Marker: +65 points—automation without regulation equals indenture by algorithm.
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Ghostliness Score: off the charts—because a fountain-pen doesn’t fear a quantum chip.
