Congratulations, But… Everyone’s Genuinely Happy?
First up: genuine congratulations to Zohran Mamdani. The man ran a campaign so airtight it could pass rent control in a yacht. Grassroots, multilingual, door-to-door, joyfully radical—he didn’t just win, he rewrote the manual. And unlike most “new politics” candidates, Mamdani didn’t temper his ideals with vague centrism or Goldman Sachs brunches. He campaigned like someone who believes housing is a right, and—this part’s wild—he actually meant it.
Which brings us to our problem: everyone’s happy now.
We at the Post Meridiem Post find this deeply concerning.
You see, we endorsed Andrew Cuomo, not because we liked him—goodness, no—but because he promised drama, indictments, and subpoena-stained headlines. We endorsed chaos, contradiction, and a never-ending carousel of ethical ruin. That’s the stuff that keeps clicks hot and satire sharp.
Mamdani? Mamdani offers hope. Optimism. Transit equity. Actual policy solutions.
Frankly, it’s a disaster.
No one wants to read about a functional mayoralty. There’s no thrill in “City Council passes budget without screaming.” There’s no juice in “New York housing pilot quietly works.” You can’t meme “clean governance”—believe us, we’ve tried.
The political press feeds on dysfunction the way raccoons feed on pizza boxes.
With Cuomo gone, the dumpsters are emptier.
So again—congrats to Mamdani. We’re proud of you. We’re terrified.
Now please consider leaking just one scandal. Maybe a suspicious metro card swipe. Something.
For the content.
Super‑PACs & the DNC: Big Money, Big Anxiety
Let’s be clear: Andrew Cuomo didn’t run for mayor—he fundraised at the city.
Armed with over $25 million—including $7.3 million of his own personal fortune, clawed back from book deals, real estate, and un-airable press conferences—Cuomo launched the most expensive redemption arc since The Rise of Skywalker.
Backers included the usual suspects:
- Michael Bloomberg’s ghost-money machine, which pumped over $1.6 million into NYC’s airwaves in a last-ditch ad blitz featuring Cuomo looking mildly apologetic near infrastructure.
- DoorDash’s corporate PAC, which oddly focused on messaging that framed Mamdani as “anti-flexibility,” “anti-business,” and “dangerously pro-sidewalk.”
- A crypto-backed dark money group known only as ForwardChain NYC, which aired a 90-second animated spot claiming Mamdani wanted to “replace all dollar bills with zines.”
Each super-PAC screamed panic, not strategy. The vibe was less “electability” and more “throw everything we’ve got at the socialist and hope he doesn’t know how to catch.”
Meanwhile, Mamdani’s campaign raised a fraction of that amount—roughly $740,000, most of it from small-dollar donors, teacher unions, MTA workers, and whatever spare change corporate Dems accidentally dropped on the subway. His campaign offices were not equipped with PR consultants or custom sushi boats—just volunteers, spreadsheets, and idealism so pure it gave donors nosebleeds.
And the DNC?
They said nothing. Did nothing. Hid under a trench coat made of caution.
They deployed their favorite mid-crisis maneuver: strategic ghosting.
Their silence said: “If Cuomo wins, we knew him. If he loses, we’ve never met that man in our lives.”
But now that Mamdani has won, the DNC faces a logistical and philosophical crisis:
- Do they embrace this new momentum and finally back policies like housing justice, public transit, and unions that aren’t run out of a WeWork?
- Or do they quietly funnel dark-money lobbyists into city hall disguised as “advisors,” while slowly suffocating any real progress under focus group-tested buzzwords?
The super-PAC pipeline—where corporations extract public policy like it’s lithium—has been momentarily disrupted. And let me tell you, the suits are sweating through their Patagonia vests.
Because if Mamdani can beat Cuomo, what’s next? A public advocate who doesn’t own stock in Raytheon? A city budget that includes housing and not drone repair workshops?
This election wasn’t just a win. It was a proof of concept.
And the DNC just found out that the people with clipboards and MetroCards are out-organizing the ones with bundlers and branded tote bags.
Neoliberals & Fake Liberals, Now on Defense
If Mamdani’s win set off fireworks in Queens, it triggered a code-red email chain in centrist circles across the city and D.C. Suddenly, the coalition of neoliberal technocrats, consultant-class Democrats, and PR-curated progressives found themselves staring down something far more dangerous than Trumpism: functioning leftism with a mandate.
The neoliberal response template—acknowledge injustice, throw $20 at it, and shift blame to “process constraints”—has collapsed in the face of a candidate who didn’t just talk about tenants but organized with them. The performative empathy wing of the party now finds its hashtags outpaced by actual policy demands.
Worse yet, the “fake liberal” set—those who wear Ruth Bader Ginsburg pins while voting for private equity–friendly budget cuts—can no longer hide behind the specter of right-wing threats. Mamdani’s victory proves voters are tired of symbolic gestures and want material change, not commemorative tote bags with climate slogans produced in an Amazon warehouse.
Now, these factions face a choice:
- Double down on professionalized caution and blame “online activists” for alienating moderates.
- Or adapt, and start treating housing, transit, and public goods like rights—not networking events for donors.
Either way, the old playbook—run a diversity ad, dodge the debate, call the progressive “unrealistic”—has expired. The electorate isn’t just angry. It’s organized.
And suddenly, everyone who claimed to “believe in bold ideas” has to prove it without a Chase executive in the group chat.
Evolve—or Be Left Behind
For years, the Democratic establishment has treated its left flank like an inconvenient group project—one they could quietly ignore while coasting on vibes, legacy endorsements, and a never-ending fear of Republicans.
But Mamdani’s victory rips that strategy to shreds.
This wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t “Twitter activists” or a protest vote. This was a full-spectrum, neighborhood-by-neighborhood organizing effort that flipped precincts Cuomo’s donors couldn’t find on a map. It signals something the DNC can no longer deny: the base is evolving—whether the party does or not.
So what now?
They can evolve, and by that we mean:
- Stop treating the word socialist like it’s a contagious skin condition.
- Fund candidates who organize with unions and tenants—not just ones who brunch with real estate developers.
- Move beyond hollow DEI task forces and actually redistribute resources.
- Let the policy drive the message, not the consultant class.
Or… they can be left behind. Literally. In races. In polls. In relevance.
They can keep propping up nostalgia-candidates like Cuomo and calling it “stability,” but voters aren’t nostalgic for 2010. They’re living in 2025—with higher rents, fewer options, and a city run like an app that keeps crashing mid-commute.
Let’s be honest: no one’s inspired by a campaign that says “We’re not Trump.” That’s not a platform. That’s a shrug with a blue logo.
And so the warning bell rings—not for the right-wingers this time, but for the party’s own machinery. The grassroots aren’t knocking politely anymore. They’ve got keys.
Mamdani didn’t just win an election. He exposed a blueprint:
- People over PACs.
- Policy over platitudes.
- Movement over marketing.
The DNC can either study it—or watch more cities, more states, and eventually more national seats go to candidates they once deemed “too radical.”
Spoiler: those candidates are now winning.
Final Word
So yes—congratulations, Zohran Mamdani. You ran a campaign fueled by principle, powered by people, and funded by checks small enough to bounce. You won cleanly, loudly, and joyfully. Which is, frankly, terrible news for us.
Because now the city’s political ecosystem has to actually function.
And worse—everyone’s inspired.
The headlines are calm. The electorate is hopeful. The DSA is smiling in public again.
There is no scandal, no donor meltdown, and no Cuomo press conference where he yells at an intern off-camera about bridges.
We are entering an era of competent municipal socialism, and if that doesn’t scare you, you’re not in media.
For the Democratic Party establishment, the message is blaring:
You’re no longer the default.
The era of safe, poll-tested, consultant-curated moderates is cracking.
Either you start listening to the people you claim to represent—or prepare to be replaced by them.
And for the rest of us?
We’d like to thank Mamdani for his leadership—and politely request he manufacture a minor scandal soon. Maybe lose a city-funded Segway. Accidentally tweet “Rent Control is Cringe.” Something. Anything.
Because while we love progress… we also love traffic.
Monty “No Filter” Blackwood, exhausted, encouraged, and furiously Googling whether a functional mayor can still start beef with the MTA.
Photo via @ZohranKMamdani on Twitter
