WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that baffled the State Department, enraged the Iranian government, and delighted bootleg hat manufacturers, former President Donald J. Trump officially rebranded U.S. foreign policy toward Iran as “MIGA” — Make Iran Great Again.
In a post on Truth Social (the social media equivalent of yelling into a gold toilet), Trump wrote:
“It’s not politically correct to use the term, ‘Regime Change,’ but if the current Iranian Regime is unable to MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN, why wouldn’t there be a Regime change??? MIGA!!!”
This marks the first time a U.S. political figure has attempted to engineer regime change via acronym-based encouragement.
From MAGA to MIGA: Foreign Policy by Hat
According to sources close to Trump, the idea came to him during a post-golf cheeseburger debrief when he misread a Fox News chyron that said “Iran Protests.” Believing it said “Iran Profits,” Trump allegedly asked, “Why aren’t they using my brand over there? It’s incredible. Could do wonders.”
The Trump Organization has reportedly filed a trademark request for “MIGA™” in 43 countries, including Iran, though they noted this might be difficult due to “existing sanctions and ideological incompatibility with bedazzled merchandise.”
Melania was reportedly heard muttering, “Please let this be about a condo tower and not the nuclear thing again.”
The Pentagon Reacts
Top officials at the Pentagon were reportedly caught off guard.
“Honestly, this is not the worst foreign policy idea we’ve seen from that era,” said one defense analyst while dry-heaving into a binder labeled “Libya 2011.”
The Joint Chiefs are said to be revising standard military uniforms to include “tactical red caps” and are designing a commemorative MIGA commemorative challenge coin featuring a bald eagle dropkicking a nuclear reactor.
Fox News Declares “MIGA Doctrine” a Triumph
On “Fox & Friends,” co-host Brian Kilmeade praised the MIGA message as “a bold new strategy to confuse our enemies and energize the QVC crowd.”
Steve Doocy added, “This could be Trump’s Nixon-to-China moment, except funnier and with better merch.”
Laura Ingraham later called it “the most coherent Middle East policy since Jared went to that breakfast in Riyadh.”
Critics React: “This Is Just Colonialism With Extra Steps”
Progressive lawmakers quickly condemned the post, with Representative Ilhan Omar tweeting, “You cannot just slap a slogan on imperialism and expect it to be fine. This is cosplay neoconservatism.”
Meanwhile, the Biden administration declined to comment directly but did announce it would form a task force to examine the cultural implications of acronym-based diplomacy.
Vice President JD Vance has already expressed concern, saying the phrase “Make Iran Great Again” might “accidentally make people think we care about Muslims, and that’s off-brand for us.”
Skip’s Final Thoughts
Look, folks — people used to say Trump didn’t have a foreign policy strategy. But this is wrong. He has a vision. It’s just written in capital letters, on foam hats, and occasionally embroidered in gold thread on a bathrobe.
MIGA isn’t just a slogan. It’s a warning to every country that if you don’t Make Yourself Great Again, he will attempt to do it for you — with sanctions, slogans, or maybe a hotel tower full of oil lobbyists.
The age of soft power is over. The age of meme diplomacy has begun.
God help us all.
